Let it All Hang Out

Today marks exactly two months since my last blog post. Ashamed? Yes I am. Disappointed in myself because I ghost on y'all but then I come back and say, "I'm so sorry, I'll never do it again." Then a couple of months later...What happens? I do it again. It's a vicious cycle I am hoping to cease.

But it's time to be honest with y'all and myself, so here are the reasons I went on a blogging break:

~ My focus wasn't aligned

The whole purpose of this blog is to be a step in my journey to not die afraid. It's been a dream of mine long before I shared it with the internet. I write to inspire both you and I. I started this blog to share my experiences and thoughts with you in hopes that we would connect by laughing, being enlightened, and maybe even crying together. I love writing, so I wanted this to be my outlet that I could look back at years from now and say, "Wow Ashley, you captured those raw moments in a manner that allows me to still relive them."

Over the past year: I have read more blogs, scoped out the brand deals bloggers were cashing in on, and saw all the comments and engagement. All those observations contributed to me not feeling important and thinking, "Nobody reads my blog anyway; so what if I don't write consistently? Who's checking for me boo? Nobody!" Yes I am very well aware that I shouldn't compare my beginning to some else's middle and all those cliche sayings...Blah, blah, blah. 

Can I be real with y'all though? (The title of this is "Let It All Hang Out" for a reason) Sometimes I can't slap sense into myself and get out of my funk, but that's okay because I needed that time to realign with my original mission for this blog. How could Mr. Resilient (my beau), Cassandra of Food Before Love (my mentor), and countless other supporters believe in me more than I believed in myself?

I found this quote from my Mental Mentor Tyece of Twenties Unscripted (meaning she's my mentor in my head, not in reality yet),

"So, right now, just build. My blogging trajectory has very much adhered to the mantra of “build it and they will come.” Believe in what you are saying and say it. If your goal up front is to gain crazy high readership, you’ll spin your wheels and sell your soul trying to get there. But, once your readership grows (because it can and it will), that is when you grow with it. As your brand expands, that is when you make changes. That is when you develop new ideas. That is when you shift. I never set out to have giveaways or an intern or events. But, my blog offspring started to outgrow its clothes and I had to change the contents of its closet."

Can I get an AMEN and a Hallelujah? The most ironic part is that this quote is from a post she wrote over a year ago. While getting lost in her literary web of gem-dropping posts, I found the Cozy Blanket of Fear post and it spoke to every fiber of self-doubt in my body.

~ I've been living in a bubble of fear since February.

My Nana was admitted to the hospital in February 2015 and after that she was moved into a rehabilitation center/nursing home and has been there ever since. Every day I thank God for allowing her to see another day but in the back of my mind I am afraid that it might be her last and I can't handle that. These dark thoughts prevent me from focusing for long periods of time and I frequently break down into tears when I think about her leaving me.

I capture all of our precious moments either on video or voice recording. I have mustered up all the strength she has instilled in me to find the faith to keep going. She always wanted me to do what I love and would constantly tell me how proud of me she is; so I know making this blog the best it can be is something she wants me to do.

~ I was in California for five weeks, working from 6am-11pm daily.

Yes California, my dream location!!...Working those many hours, not so much. No time for blogging because I barely had time for sleep. My job was very hands on; it required me to be alert and well rested.

To sum it all up, I am back my Fearless Family and I am stronger than ever. Thank you for your support! Have you ever had to take a break from a blog, school, work, a friendship, etc. in order to regroup? How did you come back from your break?

#BeSureSundays- The Worst Is....No

How many times have you wanted to ask a question but fear of rejection stopped you? ....(Hopefully not a lot.) How many times have you heard the word, "No"? ....(Wow all those times, and look at that you are still alive!) Don't let rejection kill you! Yes it might hurt, cause some tears, and spark depression, but don't let it strip away your sparkle. You all have no idea how many times a day I have to repeat the "Don't Die Afraid" motto internally. Every time I think there will be a negative outcome to something, I have to remind myself, "Go for it, what the hek are you afraid of? You're not living fearlessly! Snap out of it!"

These negatives thoughts usually materialize in the face of competition....Mental competition that is, my mind distorts reality sometimes to make everything into a competition. My brain works in odd ways, so let me break it down for you. About a month ago I saw an Instagram post calling for DC Bloggers to attend the Ultimate Brown Beauty Retreat. Initially, I thought, "Yay, that's me!....But what if they are looking for someone with a larger audience? I'm convinced Google Analytics overestimates my numbers...What if they want a media kit?....I haven't been writing frequently enough this month....They aren't looking for small bloggers like me, I'm not going to email them. I'll just buy a general ticket." 

Do you see how problematic thinking like that can be? I made assumptions about why I wasn't worthy. What is the worst that could have happened? I e-mail them and they say, "No sorry, you don't fit into the demographic we are looking for." Then I would have just bought a regular ticket and called it a day, it wouldn't have been the end of the world.

After reminding myself to live fearlessly, I sent the e-mail and was overjoyed when I received a response inviting me to be one of the guest bloggers! Well, look at that! If I would have let all my unjustifiable concerns prevent me from reaching out, I would have missed an amazing opportunity. What I learned from this experience is that you'll never know what the response is until you ask the question.

Have you found yourself in a similar situation lately? How do you handle someone saying, "No"?

#BeSureSundays- Blessings from Above

We all know the reason I started Don't Die Afraid was to teach myself how to be comfortable with not having the ability to control every aspect of my life, especially my career. Now a year has passed and I've been pretty successful at that. I landed my current job by walking into an office to inquire more information about their services because I was genuinely curious. Elaine, the woman I met saw my potential and that I would be a great fit for her team. At first there were no positions available  but she advocated for me anyway, in hopes that her office would be able to use me even if it was just for volunteer work. About two weeks later, a position magically opened and the director offered it to little ol' me! It was literally like the position fell into my lap because I got it based off my curiosity for life.

When I started graduate school I was passively looking for jobs because I didn't know if I could handle working and going to school. I went in with the mindset that I would be fine even if I didn't find job because I had a nice stash of money saved.

When I say I love my job, that is an understatement! My job is the helping office on campus because we work hard to make sure students are supported in all aspects of wellness during their college experience. We address the most hard hitting issues: substance abuse, interpersonal violence, sexual health, and nutrition.

The past year working for that office has been an amazing experience and has catapulted me into many other leadership opportunities. I'm so grateful for every minute I spent there. However, since the year is over and budget cuts are the devil, my time with them is over. Bummer, I know! It is unsettling not having a job solidified for September, but I was in this position last year and everything worked out. Everything will be alright....right? When I found out, I cried and briefly thought my world was ending. Then, I remembered three things: my motto (Don't Die Afraid), accept change, and keep my head up. So if you are going through something that has your head down, don't keep it there for too long because you might miss the blessings coming from above. I can't see what my future holds for September but I'm going to go forth fearlessly (the only way).

Have you had any unforeseen recent changes in your career? Can you hook a sister up with a job or pain internship in public health for the summer? (Shoot, I had to ask haha)

#BeSureSundays- Your Words Matter

I'm sitting on the floor of Mr. Fearless' dining room exhausted from my blogger adventure filled weekend instead of writing a paper due in the day after tomorrow. Are my priorities backwards? Probably, but there is only one week left in the semester and I have neglected my business because of my dedication to my studies, so I believe it is time to show Don't Die Afraid some desperately needed love. This weekend I attended Blogger Week hosted by Black Bloggers Connect and the first Brown Girl Bloggers meetup hosted by Candice VanWye. There will be a full recap of the event up this week on DDA but the most important gem was, "Your words matter."

Although this advice was shared with bloggers, it is applicable to all of our lives regardless of occupation. We all have words to share- some choose to share them through blogging, YouTube, personal interaction, or social media. No matter what your platform is, we all have something to say. Sometimes I catch myself thinking negatively about my blog- asking myself, "Are people reading this? Am I helping anyone or is this a waste of my time?" Hearing this quote at the conference reminded me that I am a storyteller and when I put all my energy into something, I am damn good at it.

Stop second guessing yourself and recognize how important your words are. You will never know the impact of them until you share them. Master how to deliver those words and you will be golden!

If you are new to the Fearless Family, read what inspired #BeSureSundays. Do you ever feel like your words don't matter or they are falling upon deaf ears (or blind eyes depending on your platform)? What are some inspirational quotes you heard this week that are going to keep you motivated for the week?

#BeSureSundays-Finish Line

This is my last week of classes for the semester! Can I get an AMEN? If you are a student, you know the struggle. As the semester concludes, students are so excited to get the chance to relax. However, the summer can serve as a relief for some and stress for others. Those who are returning next fall, can use the summer to recharge- whereas graduates are pressured to have a job confirmed or figure out what their next move is. Either way, it feels like a finish line.

Over the past couple of months I've been telling myself to Keep Pushing to get to this finish line. Once finals are over, I will take a deep sigh of relief and be able to focus more of my talents here on Don't Die Afraid. However, I saw this quote repeatedly and thought maybe it was a productive mindset to have. If we train ourselves to believe that there is no finish line, then it teaches us how to increase our endurance. However, does it also discourage us from feeling like we have reached success?

The whole point of #BeSureSundays is to encourage ourselves to make it through the week. I feel this quote does that in an indirect way.

 What do you think about the quote? I'm still not completely sold, but maybe it is just the way I am interpreting it. What does it mean to you?

#BeSureSundays: Winds of Change

If you like dealing with change, raise your hand!*keeps hands in lap* Change has always been intimidating to me. Consistency is comfortable; I know what to expect, I can prepare for obstacles ahead of time, and I am mentally content. Change doesn't allow for any of the previously mentioned perks. However, change is inevitable so it doesn't matter if we like it or not...it's going to happen so we just have to accept it.

Within the past two years, I have experienced major changes in relationships, career paths, housing, finances, health status, and family dynamics. In the past, I've frequently viewed change as negative. I found this wall decal almost two years ago that supplied me with comfort and encouraged me to embrace change.

Two years later, after trying to apply this quote to my life- I can finally say, I truly believe it. When I quit my FULL TIME (paid vacation, benefits, free lunch, beer & pizza on Fridays, health insurance) job to pursue my masters, I was nervous TERRIFIED. However, this past year has been one of the best years of my life, I have found my true direction.

The next time a change is thrown at you, I encourage you to fearlessly go with the wind so you can uncover your unexpected treasures.

How do you handle change? What is the most recent change in life that you had to deal with?

#BeSureSundays-Inferior

I feel like sharing this quote and just leaving it here, without words or an explanation because they aren't needed. However, I can't call myself a "blogger", if I don't write "blogs"- so here are my words....I have felt inferior for the majority of my life. It took me a while to snap out of it and realize I was the problem! It had nothing to do with the capabilities or success of anyone else. It was my insecurities making me feel this way. So if this resonates with you, STOP GIVING CONSENT! Stop looking at the lives of others, comparing it to yours, and then making yourself feel inferior. Once I stopped giving consent, I became more grateful and saw my blessings increase.